


The Seven

by writeskatelive



Category: Figure Skating RPF, six the musical
Genre: Ex wives, F/M, Musical, Revenge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-21
Updated: 2020-04-22
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:54:37
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 18
Words: 9,623
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23245849
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/writeskatelive/pseuds/writeskatelive
Summary: Nikolai Morozov's seven ex-lovers take turns spilling the tea about the mysterious Casanova of the figure skating world in a musical production.This is based on the Broadway musical "Six", which turns the stories of the six wives of Henry VIII into a fabulous musical. Thanks so much to my friend Meaghan for giving me the idea!
Relationships: Caroline Douarin and Nikolai Morozov, Elena Ilinykh/Nikolai Morozov, Ksenia Stolbova and Nikolai Morozov, Miki Ando and Nikolai Morozov, Shae-Lynn Bourne and Nikolai Morozov, Tatiana Navka and Nikolai Morozov, Vasilisa Davankova and Nikolai Morozov
Kudos: 12





	1. Friday Night Tea

ACT ONE: A crowded bar, the Samovar.

ENSEMBLE:  
It’s a Friday night in Moscow  
That’s when we spill the tea  
Give me something shocking  
Come now, put your trust in me

If you’re down for drama  
You don’t have to look too far  
Get your daily gossip  
Straight from the Samovar

Who cares if it’s true?  
Who cares if it’s right?  
We’re awfully fond of vodka  
But we’re here for tea tonight

YULIA LIPNITSKAYA:  
Madame Eteri got new lips

ALEXANDER SMIRNOV:  
Korovin gave his girl the slip

EKATERINA BOBROVA:  
I heard those two Bohemians have joined the Cabaret

KONSTANTIN MENSHOV:  
No longer does Kolyada have a runny nose all day!

MAXIM TRANKOV:  
Stolbova’s off to God-knows-where

ELENA RADIONOVA:  
Medvedeva has cut her hair!

TIFFANI ZAKHORSKI:  
The men are in a medal drought

ANNA POGORILAYA:  
Katsalapov got kicked out!

ENSEMBLE:  
Who cares if it’s true?  
Who cares if it’s right?  
We’re awfully fond of vodka  
But we’re here for tea tonight

YULIA LIPNITSKAYA:  
In Moscow, things are getting bad

ALEXANDER SMIRNOV:  
‘Cause Grandma TAT is blazing mad!

EKATERINA BOBROVA:  
I heard Christmas dinner didn’t go well

KONSTANTIN MENSHOV:  
She told the fools to go to hell!

MAXIM TRANKOV:  
Yagudin’s taken up the bottle

ELENA RADIONOVA:  
Zhulin met a supermodel

TIFFANI ZAKHORSKI:  
Sotnikova’s found an actor

ANNA POGORILAYA:  
Plushenko needs a chiropractor!

ENSEMBLE:  
Who cares if it’s true?  
Who cares if it’s right?  
We’re awfully fond of vodka  
But we’re here for tea tonight

YULIA LIPNITSKAYA:  
Tarasova’s with Sochi’s Gomez Addams

ALEXANDER SMIRNOV:  
What happened to her and Candyman?

EKATERINA BOBROVA:  
It seems that Fedor started looking elsewhere

KONSTANTIN MENSHOV:  
After his own partner got the ban

MAXIM TRANKOV:  
Zabiiako and Enbert called it quits

ELENA RADIONOVA:  
What’s with all these tragic splits?

TIFFANI ZAKHORSKI:  
Now Mozer’s got no one at all

ANNA POGORILAYA:  
Moskvina’s playing basketball!

ENSEMBLE gasps.

ALEXANDER SMIRNOV (spoken):  
Now that can’t be!

ANNA POGORILAYA (spoken, shrugging):  
It’s no more bizarre than the previous three.

ENSEMBLE:  
Who cares if it’s true?  
Who cares if it’s right?  
We’re awfully fond of vodka  
But we’re here for tea tonight


	2. First

MAXIM TRANKOV:  
Heard it on the street, it’s just as I thought  
Don’t know if it’s true  
But apparently it seems Morozov tied the knot

ENSEMBLE (spoken):  
Old news!

MAXIM TRANKOV:  
Hold up, hold up, listen to the end!  
I didn’t even tell you about his new friend!

TATIANA NAVKA (lounging glamorously at a table in the corner, looking bored):  
No one cares about her name  
Seven times, it’s still the same  
He’ll take any hussy if she’s young, thin, and dumb,  
Then trade her in and throw her out by twenty-one

ALEXANDER SMIRNOV:  
Pardon me, Madame, but I’m curious  
Where on earth did you hear of this?

TATIANA NAVKA:  
It’s the same story every time  
A mystery man and his little bride  
Swept away in lust and thirst  
Trust me, honey, I was the first

EKATERINA BOBROVA (spoken):  
No way!

TIFFANI ZAKHORSKI (spoken):  
You lie!

TATIANA NAVKA:  
Once you hear it from my lips, I’ll let you decide!  
(turns to the band)  
Give me a F sharp, maestro

You see a lady-killer  
So distinguished, suave, and cool  
You know the Casanova  
But I knew him as a fool

It was summer of ‘96  
I was a Monroe in my own right  
They tell me, “Go talk to this fellow.”  
Now he wants me at first sight

It was really quite amusing  
This little boy was so obsessed  
Messy curls and eyes like saucers  
Trying so hard to impress  
No fortune, no fame  
Not a ruble to his name  
Shy and eager enough to burst  
I like to think I was his first

He was oh-so persistent, but I had to turn him down  
I had everything I wanted, I had nothing to gain  
What does Marilyn need with a Charlie Brown?  
But you know, green cards are a pain

White dress, gold rings, borrowed things, old things  
He got everything he desired  
I was his little dream, his goddess, his queen  
But sometimes I got tired

You see, I felt a calling from up above  
That I was meant for more than love  
And he could never be enough  
All his passion, all his thirst  
Couldn’t keep me for better or worse  
‘Cause I was destined to finish first

The part that still makes no sense  
Is why he was the one who strayed  
But I guess Charles found Camilla  
And my Kolya found the maid

What can I say?  
What else was I to do?  
I signed the papers with the court  
He got the money in the divorce  
But I was free for someone new  
I met a daddy who could fill my purse  
And now I always finish first

I suppose you’re wondering what happened to my little man  
Well, he found himself a French girl and he swears that she’s his first  
But after he slipped off my ring, all his weddings have been cursed

Morozov is wed again  
A new girl in his bed again  
At least that’s what they said again  
I guess karma is the best medicine!

He lives it up like Hefner  
But you know how bunnies run  
He thinks he’s some kind of James Bond  
But in the end, I got his gun

Take my warning, ladies  
His wedding car is like the hearse  
When Morozov says he wants you  
Believe me, you’re not the first


	3. Nothing but a Mother

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
Yeah, yeah, we get it. He’s a player.

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken):  
Oh, you don’t know the half of it. That poor French girl barely made it a month before he left her for someone else.

CAROLINE DOUARIN:  
That’s not true.

TATIANA NAVKA:  
Who the hell are you?

CAROLINE DOUARIN (spoken):  
The “French girl” you spoke of. But you don’t know my story.

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken):  
Well, speak up, girl.

CAROLINE:  
You don’t know me  
You don’t know my face  
When they talk of all his conquests, they never mention me  
I vanished from their history without a single trace

They never saw me, they don’t speak my name  
For I am not like you with all your worldwide acclaim  
I was a simple girl, dreaming of love  
And he was the man that I dreamed of  
He told me dark tales of his cunning first wife  
A conniving social climber with a heart of ice

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken):  
Rude!

CAROLINE DOUARIN:  
He ran straight to me, he lamented and cried  
And I took him home with my arms open wide  
He said he was broken, he needed a friend  
He said my kisses helped his poor heart mend

He was worldly and wise and had stars in his eyes  
He showed me a world I never knew  
He was clever and sweet and he made me complete  
And I believed him when he said, “I love only you”

Then he got on one knee and all I could see  
Was the future, so bright in my eyes  
I saw our great-grandkids, our white picket fence  
Every Friday, I would bake strawberry pie  
And I swore to never love another  
I’d be his wife and his children’s mother

It all happened so fast, I still remember the day  
When I told him the glorious news  
He smiled and kissed me and said “Hope it’s a boy”  
I never guessed he had a secret too  
He was overjoyed to call me a mother  
I never dreamed he’d find another

He was a wanderer, a restless young soul  
He roamed the world, wild and free  
Until one day, he found another  
And left me as nothing but a mother

A beautiful girl,  
My little Annabelle  
Full of sunshine and love and heaven’s life  
Nikolai adored her,  
He treated her well  
And he tolerated the woman who gave her life

And I stayed by his side,  
But on long nights, I cried  
For I knew why he didn’t come home  
She was flirty and hot  
Everything I was not  
But it still cut me to the bone

Five years I endured with his ring on my hand  
A wife by name, a stranger in truth  
I should have run when I had the chance  
Instead, he took everything I had  
And there was nothing I could do

He took all the fortune and all the fame  
He left me with nothing when he took back his name  
He gave it all to the woman he loved at night  
And that was all right  
But there are some things that one cannot forgive  
He snatched away my sole reason to live  
He ripped my darling daughter from my arms  
To live with him and his new bride  
And all my pleas fell on deaf ears  
I reached out, but my hands were tied  
And I hated him like I hated no other  
Who could steal a child from her mother?

Alone and abandoned, with nowhere to go  
But in the darkness, I examined my soul  
My name is not “Morozov’s wife”  
My name is Caroline!

BACKUP SINGERS:  
Her name is Caroline!

CAROLINE DOUARIN:  
I put in the work, I served my time  
Still he left me for another  
It’s not my fault, for now I realize  
He’s nothing but a mother!


	4. Charming

ANNA POGORILAYA (spoken):  
Well, damn.

ELENA RADIONOVA (spoken):  
I’m sure whoever he left you for couldn’t have been that great.

MAXIM TRANKOV:  
A big-haired, small-minded floozy.

ALEXANDER SMIRNOV:  
I don’t think Morozov’s too choosy.

ANNA POGORILAYA:  
Some silicone dime-a-dozen hoe

ELENA RADIONOVA:  
Whose glory days were a long, long time ago

EKATERINA BOBROVA:  
Well, I’m not one to judge  
But she must’ve been quite a Jezebel

ANNA POGORILAYA:  
I’d like to find both of them  
And kick them all the way to Hell!

TIFFANI ZAKHORSKI:  
Do you mind if I ask a question?  
‘Cause I still don’t understand  
What kind of heartless, soulless chick  
Would try to steal your man?

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (spoken):  
I did.

Ensembles GASPS.

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (spoken):  
But I’m not who you think I am.

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
You just confessed to messing around with her husband  
What can you say to that?

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE:  
Homewrecker, third wheel  
I’ve heard it all before  
Femme fatale, hell in heels  
For every one I hear, there’s a dozen more

Shameless vamp, filthy tramp  
Earning her keep in her sleep  
It’s easy to judge when you’ve never been there  
It’s easy to talk when you really don’t care

Prince Charming up on your white horse  
It’s so cruel of you to look so fine  
Prince Charming, you make me crazy  
No one can understand how much I need you to be mine

The turn of a century, the start of something new  
The minute our eyes met, I knew  
That we could never stay just friends  
He had that special something, a 2000s James Dean  
A certain charisma that I’d never seen  
After five minutes, I knew I’d love him till the end

He was everything I dreamed of, except the silver ‘round his finger  
I asked him about it and he said it was no big deal  
He said, “Don’t worry, hon,  
We can still have fun  
I’ll give my wife the slip before the day is done  
‘Cause there’s no stopping the way you make me feel.”

Prince Charming up on your white horse  
I’d wait a million years for your love  
Prince Charming, you make me crazy  
Our hearts fit together, like fingers in a glove

Summer nights in Connecticut, weekends driving to Maine  
He was a player, but I loved the game  
Billie Jean, dancing queen  
Caught up in a teenage dream  
Romeo and Juliet, sneaking out the back  
I guess I never noticed everything he lacked

Prince Charming up on your white horse  
It’s so cruel of you to drag your feet  
Prince Charming, you make me crazy  
I want to be your everything, the reason your heart beats

I knew it was wrong, I ain’t gonna lie  
But we had this magic I couldn’t deny  
And after five years of waiting, he came home with a smile  
He signed all the papers, he was a free man again  
We ran off to the chapel, together at last  
How could something so beautiful be a cardinal sin?

New York apartment, living it up  
Daisy and Gatsby, dancing till dawn  
Keep the liquor flowing, fill up my cup  
Never close your eyes, or it’ll be gone  
Whirlwind, twirling, can’t come down  
We keep spinning till we die  
But when the party crowd went home  
I realized our love had run dry

When I finished crying, I woke up sober  
A homecoming queen, but high school is over

Prince Charming up on your white horse  
It’s so cruel of you to break my heart  
Prince Charming, you make me crazy  
And now I understand we were hopeless from the start


	5. Brad Pitt

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (spoken):  
I ask you all a question.  
(sung)  
How am I the villain?  
How am I to blame?  
Why am I the only bad guy  
When you know he did the same?

They all call me a hooker  
But he’s the one who wanted more  
I can’t help that I’m a looker  
So why don’t you call him the whore?  
I’m not saying I’m an angel  
But the real tramp ain’t me  
It takes two to tango  
And for Nikolai, it was three  
I’m not saying I’m innocent  
I was an Angie, I’ll admit  
(turns to Caroline)  
Jenny, I’m so sorry  
But you should really blame Brad Pitt

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken):  
Oh, you give him too much credit.

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
Okay, okay, we get the picture. Three wives in nine years. Let me guess: he started up with a new girl a month after you two split up.

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (spoken):  
Actually, no. You see…he was in a bad way.

ADAM RIPPON (spoken, from the corner of the bar):  
Oh, honey, you don’t know the half of it.

(All heads in the bar turn to Adam. He smiles at the attention, then serves diva face into the camera. The band starts playing a 1980s rhythm).


	6. Jersey Shore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adam Rippon gossips about Nikolai's lifestyle after his divorce from Shae-Lynn.

ADAM RIPPON:  
Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time  
I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out, yeah  
And floating around in ecstasy  
So don't stop me now  
Don't stop me  
'Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time

(spoken)  
Oh, that’s not the story, I just wanted to channel my inner Mercury there.

(sung in the style of a dramatic pop ballad)  
When I was young – well, girl, I’m still young!  
Before I got all this fortune and fame  
Just a poor boy – hell, I still had ringlets!  
And nobody knew my name  
I believed in my dreams, I would defy the odds  
I knew my destiny was up in lights  
But I needed someone to rescue me from this tired little life

(disco beat starts)  
I was a Penn State boy, down on the Jersey shore  
Looking through windows at all this shit I couldn’t afford  
But when you’re in Jersey you  
Do as the Jerseys do

(spoken)  
Jerseys? Is that even a thing?

(singing, while making his way between the tables)  
Well Nick was the kind of guy  
Who seemed to have everything  
Gucci, Prada, Chanel, oh my!  
And don’t forget those three wedding rings  
The envy! The envy!

(stands up on the table)

He’s the real hot big shot, man of the hour  
The Elvis, the Gaga, he got the power  
A little bit Machiavellian  
A whole lot of Kardashian  
He’s the Bruce Wayne, Citizen Kane  
Tony Stark with all the hullaballoo  
Scratch that, he’s the Russian Donald Trump  
I voted blue and honey so should you

(laughs, spoken)  
So, yeah, anyways, back to the point

(singing, in the style of a 1980s rock star)  
Nick was rolling in the dough  
Things were going south with his third wife tho  
When the divorce was set and done,  
He met a mistress called Rum  
Or whiskey, or vodka, or a good old Bud Lite  
The nights were long and wild  
He lost all his sense of style  
Come on man, time to pick up your life

The debt started racking up  
His problems kept on stacking up  
All his money, chicks, and cars couldn’t get him dry  
He was down in the dumps, I’m not gonna lie

I moved a long way from Jersey, so I don’t know the rest  
But if you saw him back then – well, God bless  
I ain’t trying to throw shade, I mean we all got our shit– 

MIKI ANDO:  
Oh, Lord, would you just sit!


	7. Sunflower

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miki Ando talks about her turbulent relationship with Nikolai.

MIKI ANDO:  
I was an overachiever  
A fearless believer  
I was inventing tricks and trying things no one had ever seen  
A daring young leader  
A tireless dreamer  
I was moving Everest on my own before I turned fifteen

I wanted the spotlight, I wanted the glory  
I wanted the world to tell my story  
This strange foreign man  
Took my heart, took my hand  
And promised me a dream  
He swept me off my feet  
Put my name on the street  
But things weren’t what they seemed

Every minute with you was a thousand and one nights,  
A thousand and one days  
Crawling on my knees and begging, but you’d leave anyway  
Every memory of you is a thousand and one nights,  
A thousand and one days  
Lying on the floor and crying, asking God why you won’t stay  
I ran through hell a thousand times to lie on your bed of nails

Wake up to morning sun and crystal skies  
You say you forgive me, I don’t know why  
How long until you remember to be cruel again?  
You hold me close, keep me safe and warm  
But then you cast me out in the thunderstorm  
A thousand times, I’ve thought about the end

They tell me to run, before I come undone  
But they don’t feel the way you touch me  
They don’t hear your sweet whispers  
Telling me you love me  
And even though I know you’ll change your mind tomorrow  
When you smile at me, I can almost see  
The man I still adore  
I forget the lies, I forgive your crimes  
I erase the night before

Every minute with you was a thousand and one nights,  
A thousand and one days  
Crawling on my knees and begging, but you’d leave anyway  
Every memory of you is a thousand and one nights,  
A thousand and one days  
Lying on the floor and crying, asking God why you won’t stay  
I ran through hell a thousand times to lie on your bed of nails

Your eyes turn black, you throw me out  
I spend the night on a colleague’s couch  
And at three-o-clock I decide it’s done for good  
But then you call me back, you call me “dear”  
You tell me everything I want to hear  
And I rush right back even though I know I shouldn’t

A sunflower  
A beautiful, blooming young flower,  
reaching for the sky  
My daughter  
My beautiful, blooming young daughter  
I must give her wings to fly!

Every minute with you was a thousand and one nights,  
A thousand and one days  
You can crawl on your knees and beg me, but I’ll leave anyway  
Every memory of you was a thousand and one nights,  
A thousand and one days  
I’m lying on the floor and crying, but even God couldn’t make me stay  
I ran through hell a thousand times to escape your bed of nails

I’ll take the scandal, I’ll take the blame  
Let them whisper, but I’m not ashamed  
Like a sunflower, I’ll stand tall  
Like a sunflower, she’ll stand tall  
I won’t wear your ring, I won’t be your bride  
I won’t spend my life chained at your side  
You can chase us forever, but you’ll always fail  
‘Cause I ran through hell a thousand times to escape your bed of nails


	8. The Cad! The Pig! The Rat!

ADAM RIPPON (spoken):  
Okay, I know when I’ve been outdone.  
  
MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
So you turned him down. What happened next?  
  
MIKI ANDO:  
Well, by the time I left…there was another girl.  
  
ANNA POGORILAYA:  
The scum!  
  
MIKI ANDO:  
But I guess I didn’t suspect it right away.  
  
ELENA RADIONOVA:  
How come?  
  
MIKI ANDO:  
When I knew her, she was a child  
The sweetest angel I’d ever seen  
A beautiful blossom of charm and youth  
But she was barely seventeen  
  
ELENA RADIONOVA:  
That’s bad!  
  
ANNA POGORILAYA:  
The cad!  
  
ELENA RADIONOVA:  
The pig!  
  
ANNA POGORILAYA:  
The rat!  
  
TIFFANI ZAKHORSKI:  
Even King Henry the Eighth wouldn’t stoop to that!  
  
ALEXANDER SMIRNOV:  
Poor girl!  
  
KONSTANTIN MENSHOV:  
My word!  
  
MAXIM TRANKOV:  
If you ask me, he should be a jailbird!  
  
EKATERINA BOBROVA:  
Nobody’s perfect, but that man’s a creep  
To take advantage of a poor little dear  
I pray for the little girl, wherever she is  
  
ELENA ILINYKH:  
She’s right here!  
  
(All heads in the room turn to her)


	9. Don’t Blame Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Elena Ilinykh summarizes her relationships with Nikita Katsalapov and Nikolai Morozov.

ELENA ILINYKH:  
  
Darling, darling, don’t blame me  
It’s not my fault God gave me gifts  
There’s just so much I like to do, do, do  
And I found all the wrong guys to do it with  
  
Been dancing into hearts since I was thirteen  
I know all the tricks to get the boys down on their knees  
Almost had a Bukin but his parents got scared  
Can’t say I blame them if I’m being fair  
Then I met Nikita and my oh my,  
Tall, fine, that look in those eyes  
Spinning, screaming, can’t get enough  
He drove me crazy but he was good at…stuff

He was my Walmart Bieber  
I should’ve run like Selena

Chasing all the glory, but we needed a change  
So we said goodbye to Zhulin and things were arranged  
Hello, Kolya, why so charming?  
(lowers her voice in an imitation of Morozov)  
“‘Cause your beauty’s so disarming.”

He came up on his white horse  
Well, okay, it was a black Porsche  
And he said, “Lena, darling, that boy’s no good.  
Come home with me and I’ll treat you like I should.”

He was a modern George Clooney  
Red wine and honeymooning

Darling, darling, don’t blame me  
It’s not my fault God gave me gifts  
There’s just so much I like to do, do, do  
But now I found another guy to do it with

It’s true, it’s true  
Kolya and I had a little rendezvous  
Coffee, dinner, pop the champagne  
Whispering things in my ear till he drives me insane

I never dated a guy who owned three houses  
Or traveled the world like a movie star  
He’s smooth, quick, but oh-so wild  
And I forget my promise not to go too far  
  
Nikita hears the news and it’s more than he can take   
Guess I forgot to tell him we were on a break  
He’s mad, he’s bad, like he has no chill  
He’ll never understand Kolya like I will

Darling, darling, don’t blame me  
It’s not my fault God gave me gifts  
There’s just so much I like to do, do, do  
But I found a bad boy to do it with

The press catches wind  
and oh, what a sin!  
Everyone’s flying off the handle  
“The little princess is ruined!”  
“And it’s the coach that she’s doin’!”  
But what’s life without some scandal?

“Don’t worry, don’t worry,” that’s what Kolya said  
“Forget all the blah-blah-blah and come to bed.”  
So I stuck around and I thought I was set   
Except he said the same to this ditzy brunette

Darling, darling, don’t blame me  
It’s not my fault God gave me gifts  
There’s just so much I like to do, do, do  
Turns out he was the wrong guy to do it with

Guess you could say Nikita was still falling for me  
‘Cause he kept falling, and falling, and falling again  
Guess you could say Kolya was still falling for her  
‘Cause he kept cheating, and cheating, and cheating again!

Well, what’s a girl to do  
When the lovers don’t love you?  
I was young, I was willing  
but no matter how sexy,  
I begged him, I pleaded  
but still, they both left me

So Nikita met a Barbie, took her for a fling  
And Kolya gave his side chick a two-carat ring  
Now they say I’m the hoe while they sit like saints  
And I’m all alone, learned my lesson too late

But darling, darling, don’t blame me  
It’s not my fault God gave me gifts  
There’s just so much I like to do, do, do  
And I found all the wrong guys to do it with


	10. Star

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Vasilisa Davankova tells the story of her “epic journey” from Morozov’s girlfriend to YouTube superstar.

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
All right, all right, let’s cut to the chase. Who’s the broad who turned Nikolai’s head this time?

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken):  
Well, first of all, I don’t answer to “broad”.

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
Well, what do you answer to, then?

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken):  
My name is Vasilisa Davankova. But you may call me “Lady Vasya”.

ADAM RIPPON (spoken):  
Okay, I get it. You’re like a Walmart Lady Gaga.

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken):  
You’ve got me all wrong, little boy.

(Vasilisa looks up on the stage, where Elena Ilinykh is still standing)

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken):  
And I don’t think anyone in this bar would call me ditzy 

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
Well-

(Vasilisa gets on the stage and takes the microphone, nudging Ilinykh out of the way).

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken):  
Pardon me, pardon me.

(Ilinykh backs off the stage, scowling).

  
VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
Lights. Camera. Ahhh.

I grew up dreaming of fame  
Haven’t you all done the same?  
I was destined to be a queen  
He spotted me as a starlet  
But I was no harlot  
Why, I was only thirteen!

Darling, I knew I was born to be a star  
An Audrey, a Greta, a Liz Taylor at heart  
I’d give anything to get my name up in lights  
I’d be rolling in the dough and drinking champagne all night  
But it’s a man’s man’s world and there’s only one way up:  
Look good, play dumb, and give them some love

Well on my yellow brick road, I met my dear friend Annie  
We were besties at first sight on the highway to Malibu  
And one summer night, she let me meet her daddy  
And a few nights later, he became my daddy too  
  
You know the scandal, you know the story  
I was seventeen, but he looked damn good for forty  
Sorry to the other girl,  
but he was from another world  
Diamonds! Perfume! Chocolate-covered cherries!  
He had to let her go, ‘cause I’m not into sharing

And he said,

“Darling, I know you were born to be a star  
So come and give me a little piece of your heart  
Close the curtains, lock the door, turn down the lights  
We’ll be rolling in the sheets and keep the neighbors up all night.”  
It’s a man’s man’s world and I need my ticket up  
So I look good, play dumb, and give him some love

He’d call me baby  
His fine and sexy lady  
His little bunny  
His sweet sugar honey  
Born to shine, strawberry wine  
Anything I want is mine  
for a touch, a kiss, a granted wish

On my eighteenth birthday, he got me a surprise  
“The only thing that sparkles as much as your eyes.”  
White gold, two carats  
Hush, hush, don’t tell my parents

Darling, I was finally flying with the stars  
My man stood up and promised me every inch of his heart  
With one little “I do”, I got my name up in lights  
We were rolling in the dough and drinking champagne all night  
It’s a man’s man’s world but I got my ticket up  
Just gotta look good, play dumb, and give him some love

For six months, it’s a dream  
I’m his pretty little wife  
But I guess Kolya isn’t one for the married life  
Work, work, work - he’s always got to run  
I wait for him at night, but his day is never done  
He says that’s how he pays for my Chanel  
My Weitzman, my Gucci, my Prada  
But what good’s a charming husband  
if he won’t come around for nada?

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken):  
Well, actually-

VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
Jersey, Moscow, France, then NYC  
He always takes his suitcase but he never takes me  
If I’m his one and only,  
I shouldn’t be this lonely  
The days tick on and I’m sleeping alone  
I‘ve got no one to listen when I talk about my day  
And he’s always so tired even when he comes home  
How could he throw something so precious away?

Darling, I knew I was born to be a star  
An Audrey, a Greta, a Liz Taylor at heart  
I gave up everything to get my name up in lights  
Now I’m rolling in the dough, but I’ve got no one at night  
The old tricks don’t work and I can’t give him enough  
Except look good, play dumb, but he don’t want my love

Then one day, he says, “Let’s talk!”  
And I’m like, “That’s what I’ve been trying to do for a year!”  
So I start telling him about my girl friends, hair trends, the goods from Cartier  
But he frowns and says, “No, love.”  
And he’s like, “That’s not what I’m saying, and I don’t give a f*ck!”  
And he starts telling me about this new friend, work friend, some girl outta luck

Now I ain’t pretending to be a Mendeleev,  
but I knew then that it was over  
He was through with me, wanted more than beauty  
So he found some old lady named Stolbova

But darling, I knew I was born to be a star  
Even if my man moved on and broke my heart  
I gave up everything to get my name up in lights  
I should be rolling in the dough and drinking champagne all night  
‘Cause he’s just one man in the world, and I can make my own way up:  
I’ve got a million subscribers who can give me some love

Check out my life, I’ll put it in the vlog  
I auctioned the rock and now I’m living on the hog  
And now I pop up in Kolya’s recommendations  
Look at Lady Vasya, the self-made sensation!

Yes! I’m a celeb in my own right  
A YouTube superstar  
So hit the bell and like  
Lights. Camera. Ahhhhh.


	11. Mercy on Us All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Miki, Elena, and Vasilisa reconcile over their shared suffering.

ELENA ILINYKH (spoken):  
Well, good for you, but I still hate you.

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken):  
Me? How could anyone hate me?

ELENA ILINYKH:  
Hmm, let’s see!  
You took my man  
You took my place  
You flirted with him, right in my face!

VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
Lena, Lena, can’t you see?  
He played you the same way he played me

ELENA ILINYKH:  
Well, I never stole his affection  
away from another girl 

MIKI ANDO:  
What? When you stole his attention,  
I disappeared from his world!

VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
I guess we all got our hard knocks in life

ELENA ILINYKH:  
He takes us high but always lets us fall

MIKI ANDO:  
Rather be a pauper than Morozov’s wife

VASILISA, ELENA, MIKI:  
Have mercy on us all!

(They strike a dramatic pose on the stage).

KSENIA STOLBOVA (spoken, from the back of the bar):  
Okay, okay, I have one big problem with all of this.

MIKI ANDO:  
Who the hell is this?

VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
Kolya’s new bitch!

ELENA ILINYKH:  
The old witch?

KSENIA STOLBOVA (moving towards the stage):  
I was twenty-six!

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken, frowning):  
Well, that’s ancient by Kolya’s standards.

KSENIA STOLBOVA:  
Well, how about some words of wisdom   
from the so-called “old maid”?  
Kolya never seemed to mind  
You know I age like Chardonnay


	12. Anything

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ksenia Stolbova explains how she got involved with Morozov.

You know my reputation  
You saw my coronation  
Morticia Addams never looked so fine  
It was one for the ages  
Poker hand, four aces  
Little I knew I was on borrowed time  
  
I thought I could do anything  
So I did anything, and everything, and everything again  
  
For nine years, I had myself a steady man  
But sometimes I can get a little temperamental  
He slipped, he fell, I glared, I yelled  
And you know how people get all judgmental  
  
Suddenly they think I’m the biggest bitch of the year  
Everybody’s sending Fedor all their love and prayers  
You know men are fickle, they never stay for long  
He wanted to retire but I wasn’t ready to quit  
Couldn’t live my whole life dragging him along…  
…so we split  
  
I wanted to do anything  
So I tried anything, and everything, and everything again  
  
You see, girls, I was kind of in a jam  
I was running out of dough  
I had burned up all my bridges  
Where else was I to go?  
So I called up good old Kolya and explained  
He said he’d fix my problem and get me back to the top  
Asked for nothing in return except my lipstick stain  
That man will buy you anything when the panties drop  
  
He said I could do anything  
So I did anything, and everything, and everything again  
  
Pretty girl, better watch your step  
The man’s a player, he’ll mess up your rep  
But my name’s already been tainted  
That’s the way of the world, ain’t it?  
  
His mind’s a dagger, his soul is black  
No one thought I could play him back  
No gloves, no chains, no strings on me  
I’m long gone but he still thinks of me  
  
He said I could have anything  
So I took anything, and everything, and everything again  
  
You’d think a man with six exes  
would be used to rejection  
but he looked pretty confused  
when I ran off with his loot  
  
For every notch in his belt, there’s a hole in his bank  
Now I’m in a penthouse – I forgot to say thanks  
He was the playboy, but I got the mansion  
He better hope he’s got a pretty pension  
  
Diamonds, rubies, more than I can hold  
You know all I ever wanted was a taste of gold  
Don’t look so shocked – he had it coming  
I paid my dues – I owe him nothing  
  
Now he doesn’t have anything  
Cause I took anything, and everything, and everything again


	13. 78

ADAM RIPPON (spoken):  
Okay, that’s hella savage.

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken):  
My heart goes out to Poor Chick Number Eight.

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (spoken):  
Yeah, who’s his next victim?  
(crowd gasps)  
I mean girlfriend.

ELENA ILINYKH (spoken):  
That poor, innocent little girl…

ALEXANDER ENBERT (spoken, from the corner):  
Well, actually…she’s not so little.

ADAM RIPPON (spoken):  
You mean he’s moved on to the curvy type? I mean, stan Lizzo, y’all.

ALEXANDER ENBERT (spoken):  
Oh, you’re a Lizzo uber too?

ADAM RIPPON:  
It ain’t my fault that I’m out here gettin’ loose

ALEXANDER ENBERT:  
Gotta blame it on the Goose!

(The whole crowd is staring at them. Enbert blushes and clears his throat).

ALEXANDER ENBERT (spoken):  
Great song, but that’s not what I meant. In fact, Morozov’s bride is actually on the petite side. But you see…she’s not…young.

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (spoken, laughing):  
You mean this one is actually over thirty?

ALEXANDER ENBERT (spoken):  
Yes. By quite a bit, actually.

(Crowd murmurs)

KSENIA STOLBOVA (spoken, rolling her eyes):  
You didn’t really think he was marrying another beautiful young woman, did you?

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken, annoyed):  
Well, forgive me if I was starting to see a pattern!

KSENIA STOLBOVA (spoken):  
Patterns were made to be broken.

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
That’s not how the saying goes.

KSENIA STOLBOVA (spoken, scowling):  
Whatever. She’s seventy-eight.


	14. Fonda

(The band plays a few dramatic bars)

ALL:  
Seventy-eight?

TAMARA MOSKVINA (half-sung, from the door):  
Guess he took the bait.

ALL:  
Seventy-eight?

TAMARA MOSKVINA (moving through the bar with a smile):  
Why so shocked, why so surprised?  
I’m still as sharp as I was at twenty-nine  
Who says old girls can’t have a little new fun?  
(giggles mischievously)  
I heard even Tatiana Tarasova’s getting some

(crowd gasps)

I was born in a siege,  
’41 in St. Pete  
But that never slowed me down  
I grew up in a Cold War,  
but Mama taught me to go for  
everything I wanted in town  
Only four foot ten,  
but I could run with the men  
(laughs)  
Well, actually, I beat them all  
You heard it from my lips  
I was smart as a whip  
“She be but little” but she’s standing tall

(steps up on the table)

Keep moving, keep grooving  
Keep aging like Fonda  
Cause I’m awfully fond of this wonderful life  
Keep working, keep flirting  
Keep aging like Fonda  
Cause I’m awfully fond of feeling all right

Seventy-eight  
But still feel as good as I did in ‘78  
Fringe and tie-dye goddess  
I take it if I want it  
Honey, I’m in charge of my fate

(Moskvina poses dramatically)

So one day I was looking so fine  
One-sleeve dress like it was ‘65  
And this younger fellow started coming on to me (on to me)  
Oh, he was so smitten and weak  
Why, he forgot how to speak  
It was obvious he wanted me (wanted me)

(Moskvina rolls her eyes and jumps from the table to the stage)

Well I’m not dumb, I knew what he was after  
I’ve seen a dozen men like him before  
But I took his offer – ‘cause hey, free drinks!  
Little did he know he was getting more than he bargained for!

Keep moving, keep grooving  
Keep aging like Fonda  
Cause I’m awfully fond of this wonderful life  
Keep working, keep flirting  
Keep aging like Fonda  
Cause I’m awfully fond of feeling all right

Well it turns out he was a good-for-nothing cad  
If only he got a ruble for every wife he’s had!  
Nothing unexpected,  
but the man sure likes the ladies!  
He’s had more lovers than yours truly,  
and I’m nearly eighty!

So I put on my thinking cap  
And put an end to all his messing  
No more of his philandering, womanizing crap  
Time to teach that boy a lesson!

I took his ring  
I love the bling  
And he doesn’t suspect a thing  
Let me snitch,  
I won’t get hitched  
That guy deserves the altar ditch  
Up there in his tux  
Betrayal sure sucks  
Now the shoe’s on the other foot  
If you want to teach the weeds not to grow in your garden  
You’ve gotta pull ‘em by the root

Keep moving, keep grooving  
Keep aging like Fonda  
Cause I’m awfully fond of interrupting his life  
Keep working, keep flirting  
Keep aging like Fonda  
Cause I’m awfully fond of setting him right

(Moskvina starts leading the backup dancers into a jazz routine)

It’s nothing personal  
I’m just doing my part  
I’m just showing him what happens  
when you mess with a young girl’s heart

Keep moving, keep grooving  
Keep aging like Fonda  
‘Cause my magic methods go way back  
Keep working, keep flirting  
Keep aging like Fonda  
‘Cause I’m awfully fond of payback

ANNA POGORILAYA, ELENA RADIONOVA, and TIFFANI ZAKHORSKI:  
Way back!  
Payback!

TAMARA MOSKVINA:  
Keep moving, keep grooving  
Keep aging like Fonda  
Cause I’m awfully fond of this wonderful life  
Keep working, keep flirting  
Keep aging like Fonda  
Cause I’m awfully fond of doing what’s right!


	15. A Toast to Nikolai

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
I don’t believe this

TAMARA MOSKVINA (spoken):  
What, you have a hard time believing Nikolai would fall for such a…mature woman?

MAXIM TRANKOV (spoken):  
Well…you do know he’s broke, right?

TAMARA MOSKVINA (spoken, laughing):  
Of course!  
(She smiles)  
But that’s not to say he wouldn’t fancy me even if he was loaded.

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken, clearly grossed out):  
Okay, can you just, like…not talk about him like that? It’s bad enough I’ve had to sit through these six other chicks talking about their little love affairs, but this…I can’t take it.

TAMARA MOSKVINA (spoken):  
Well, it’s not like I would ever accept! Just because I’m an older girl doesn’t mean I have to settle for any dumb schmuck, even if he’s thirty years younger than me.  
(She walks over to Vasilisa and takes her hands).  
Look at yourself. You are a beautiful young girl who’s already built herself an empire just by looking good and smiling into a camera. You are capable of so much in this world – so much that you still don’t understand.  
(Moskvina turns to face the whole room)  
All of you are incredible, strong women who don’t need to waste another moment of your lives on that good-for-nothing scoundrel.

TATIANA NAVKA:  
She’s right!

CAROLINE DOUARIN, SHAE-LYNN BOURNE, and MIKI ANDO (harmonizing):  
She’s right!

ELENA ILINYKH:  
She’s right!

VASILISA DAVANKOVA and KSENIA STOLBOVA (harmonizing):  
She’s right!

TAMARA MOSKVINA (smiling):  
Of course I’m right!  
(Moskvina stands at the center of the stage, gathering the seven women around her)  
I don’t wish him ill  
I don’t want him killed  
I don’t want him to crack his skull from slipping on ice

KSENIA STOLBOVA:  
Even though that would be nice

TAMARA MOSKVINA:  
I have no bad intentions  
No sinister inventions  
I don’t have dark missions or murderous plans

ELENA ILINYKH:  
Although that would be grand

TAMARA MOSKVINA:  
Instead of chasing revenge,  
I’d rather chill with my friends  
And let karma do the rest  
‘Cause that’s what karma does best

(She picks up a glass from the table and holds it aloft)

So let’s have a toast and wish him well  
Trust me, he’ll find his own way into hell

(Moskvina approaches the bartender, and the other women follow her, forming a line. The bartender starts sliding drinks down the counter, and the women catch them one by one. They drink).

TATIANA NAVKA:  
To Nikolai!  
Congratulations on your engagement  
I wish I could’ve seen your new wife’s face  
When she learned it’s a financial arrangement!

CAROLINE DOUARIN:  
To Nikolai!  
Don’t bother to write your own vows  
At least you won’t worry about any more children,  
‘cause she’s well past menopause!

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE:  
To Nikolai!  
I heard you’ve got a new lady  
She’s actually quite the stunner  
For a woman pushing eighty!

MIKI ANDO:  
To Nikolai!  
Don’t spend it all on the honeymoon  
I suggest you save every kopek  
‘cause she’s learned the truth too soon!

ELENA ILINYKH:  
To Nikolai!  
How does it feel to be a toy?  
Young, pretty, and hopelessly naïve  
I guess they call that karma, boy

VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
To Nikolai!  
I’m honored by your invitation  
I’d love to swing by and chat,  
but I’m an Internet sensation!

KSENIA STOLBOVA:  
To Nikolai!  
At least your fiancée’s of legal age  
But soon you’ll find McDonald’s  
Pays a scanty minimum wage

TAMARA MOSKVINA:  
To Nikolai!  
I hate to step on your dreams  
But it’s not my fault your mama never taught you   
To treat your lady like a queen

ALL:  
To Nikolai!  
To Nikolai!  
To Nikolai!


	16. You Should All Be Ashamed

(From a dark corner of the bar, Annabelle Morozov stands up).

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken, under her breath):  
Enter the mistress.

TAMARA MOSKVINA (spoken, under her breath):  
Well, at least he’s got good taste.

KSENIA STOLBOVA (spoken, under her breath):  
Oh, that’s not the mistress. That’s his daughter Annabelle.

ELENA ILINYKH (spoken, under her breath):  
The only woman in Russia under thirty he hasn’t tried to get with.

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken):  
Annie! How wonderful to see you again! You look –

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
You should all be ashamed.

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken):  
Excuse me, honey?

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
For the past two hours, you’ve done nothing but laugh at my father, tear him to pieces for his life decisions, and criticize him for his past mistakes.

KSENIA STOLBOVA (spoken):  
Sounds like a damn good party to me.

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
You know, I really thought I could trust you all.

MIKI ANDO (spoken):  
Annabelle, we didn’t mean –

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken, to Miki):  
We used to play with my dollhouse at Papa’s apartment.

ELENA ILINYKH (spoken):  
Annabelle, I –

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken, to Elena):  
You used to sneak me into movies.

KSENIA STOLBOVA (spoken):  
Well that’s all very nice, but –

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken, to Ksenia):  
You let me wear your dress for my first date.

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (spoken):  
Look, we weren’t trying to –

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken, to Shae-Lynn):  
You used to take care of me when Papa was away on all his business trips. You took me to the zoo and waited for hours because I wouldn’t leave the spider monkey exhibit.

CAROLINE DOUARIN (spoken):  
Annabelle, listen to me! We –

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken, to Caroline):  
And you – you’re my own mother!  
(Turns to Navka and Moskvina)  
And I don’t even know who you are. But now I see that all of you have one hobby in common: hating my father.

TATIANA NAVKA (spoken):  
Get out of here, you little brat.

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
I just have one question: why?

KSENIA STOLBOVA (spoken):  
For starters, he’s a two-timing piece of –

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
How could you do this all behind my back…

ELENA ILINYKH (spoken):  
Well, it would’ve been awkward to invite you.

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
…and not invite me?

(Everyone gasps)

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (spoken):  
It wouldn’t have been proper.

(Annabelle throws her coat on the floor, revealing a sparkling showgirl costume, and steps on the stage. The other women back up)

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
Band, please!

(The band starts playing an old jazz beat. Annabelle shakes her head).

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
Hmm, more modern.

(The band starts up a country tune)

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
Something edgy.

(The band starts a hip-hop beat).

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
Bingo!


	17. Snow White and the Seven Stepmoms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Annabelle Morozov shares what it's like to be the daughter of the figure skating world's most famous philanderer.

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (rapping):  
Hey, hey, hey, it’s your girl A-Belle  
Y’all know I’m fine, I’m smooth, I’m able  
Yeah I’m a frost queen  
Your little daydream  
I be leaking the gossip, I be spillin’ the tea  
You know I’m on it like TMZ

(Singing, to an energetic club beat):  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Seven of her father’s bunnies and sex bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
And while he was off changing his wives on a dime  
No one even noticed I lost my mom six times 

(Rapping):  
Born in Moscow  
Living like a boss now  
I was my daddy’s only one  
But not his only girl  
You see he liked to have his fun  
Running ‘round the world  
Mama didn’t like it, but she was a trooper  
Held on like a hero without the super  
But Daddy got bored  
So he hit the floor  
and hooked up with Shae  
(Annabelle points at Shae-Lynn)  
He be feelin’ all right  
Got a new chick all night  
and my mama all day  
O Canada!  
Secret Bourne identity  
A little infidelity  
Never told me why Aunt Shae won’t come for dinner  
But now Mama’s on the street, didn’t know what hit her

(Singing)  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Seven of her father’s bunnies and sex bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
And while he was off changing his wives on a dime  
No one even noticed I lost my mom six times

(Rapping)  
New York, Jersey, getting’ wild and dirty  
Looking fab, pop the tab, but I don’t think he heard me  
He says he loves me on the phone  
But wouldn’t it be lovely if he’d ever come home  
Then it’s papers, courthouse  
Shae-Lynn’s in the poorhouse  
Thought we’d have some father-daughter time  
But now he’s down at the whorehouse  
Pour the man another bottle  
Try the latest model  
Clubbing all night, waking up at noon  
Full speed ahead, going full throttle

(Singing)  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Seven of her father’s bunnies and sex bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
And while he was off changing his wives on a dime  
No one even noticed I lost my mom six times 

(Rapping)  
Me and Dad, we go nomad  
Till I wanna go mad  
Tokyo, Moscow  
Another stop in Glasgow  
Airplanes, fast lane  
Layover in the John Wayne

His love is international, so irrational  
No end to his passion, no  
Raise a toast to Bacchus  
Leather pants, trying to rock it  
Goin loco like Martin  
Six A.M., the party’s just starting  
No sweat, no worries, I’m safe in bed  
Love you but I can’t love the beast in your head

(Singing)  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Seven of her father’s bunnies and sex bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
And while he was off changing his wives on a dime  
No one even noticed I lost my mom six times 

(Rapping)  
Now he’s bringing home a geisha  
all the way from Asia  
And she’s got all his attention  
But he’s got sinful intentions  
And he swears he’s getting sober  
But I know it’s never over  
She’s sweet like candy  
A Pink Lady Sandy  
He’s all over her like an olden-days dandy  
Aunt Miki treats me like a princess ‘cause she’s always wanted a daughter  
But when that daughter comes, their love’s dead in the water  
I stood in the doorway and watched it fall apart  
‘Cause Daddy got scared and he threw her to the sharks

(Singing)  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Seven of her father’s bunnies and sex bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
And while he was off changing his wives on a dime  
No one even noticed I lost my mom six times 

(Rapping)  
By then there was a swan girl  
But next she was a gone girl  
And I made the mistake of studying with her one night  
(Annabelle points to Vasilisa)  
My daddy couldn’t resist and he had to take a bite  
Next time he asks to meet my new friend,  
remind me to tell him she’s a lesbian  
Best friend, girlfriend  
Weird to call you stepmom  
Hotel, don’t tell  
Silk sheets, bath bombs  
All night, daylight  
He won’t rest till he gets some

Now my best friend’s my mama  
How’s that for drama?  
Till he drives her mad, she’s climbing up the walls  
Ripping out her hair, there’s no escape at all  
And my papa’s got no care in the world  
‘Cause he’s already lining up the next three girls  
She had to get out, she ran like the wind  
And I never saw my bestie again

(Singing)  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Seven of her father’s bunnies and sex bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
And while he was off changing his wives on a dime  
No one even noticed I lost my mom six times

(Rapping)  
Then we’re on a one-way ticket to nowhere  
‘Cause Daddy’s new friend got a dose of the “no fair”  
(Annabelle points to Ksenia)  
Out of luck, out of money, and out of a man  
So she’s starting fresh and Pop’s got a plan  
Heigh-ho, heigh-ho!  
Welcome to Perm!  
Where it’s so damn cold that even timber won’t burn!  
Falling down, falling down,  
No forest through the trees  
‘cause there’s nothing else to see!  
Practically in Siberia  
So off the grid, it’s eerie, yeah  
No friends, no fun  
No department stores  
Silence isn’t golden  
I can’t take it no more!

So it’s Dad, me, and her  
All bundled up in fur  
Media’s on it, making a stir  
And he swears on his heart that this chick’s the one  
But Ksyusha got fed up and went on the run  
Offered me a cut of the dough she took  
I’m underplaying when I say Daddy was shook

Six months clean, not a “she” in sight  
Real nice, quiet nights, nothing left but cold ice  
But now there’s an old lady dressing in white  
Old habits, back at it  
Roll the reel, same spiel  
Can’t help the way he feels  
New rings, dove wings  
And we’re back on the hamster wheel

(Singing)  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Seven of her father’s bunnies and sex bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
And while he was off changing his wives on a dime  
No one even noticed I lost my mom six times

(Rapping)  
So keep on comparing stories  
About all his drunken orgies  
I know all his little secrets  
All the lies behind the glory  
I was there for every minute  
Every breakup, I was in it  
And I know he’s too far gone no matter how hard you try to spin it

(To the band, spoken)  
Break it down!

(Rapping)  
Skeletons in the closet, he’s got a whole catacomb  
Smiling for the camera, raising hell back at home  
He’s racking up hits like Grande  
Weekend fun’s gone by Monday  
For every one he dumps, two more pull in  
His hand’s full of trumps, he keeps on rollin’

They come and they go  
They get high, they get low  
They say hi, they say bye,  
but they never say no  
The girls keep on workin’ it  
Even though nothing’s permanent  
The wine, the dine, the good good time  
Ain’t no ride or die till the end of the line  
‘Cause number one in his heart’s always been mine  
And he says I’m still his favorite girl, hey-hey  
‘Cause while they run like bulls, I still stay  
And I’m the only one he won’t throw away

(Singing)  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Seven of her father’s bunnies and sex bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
And while he was off changing his wives on a dime  
No one even noticed I lost my mom six times

(Rapping)  
He still thinks I’m his loyal soldier  
But little does he know it’s over  
I’m not giving up another mama  
I’m just hoping he gets his karma

I drag him harder than RuPaul  
I’m just saying what’s true, y’all  
If he’s my father,  
I’m Skywalker  
Got my lightsaber out, I’m here for some sparring  
Yeah I’m queen of outer space – tell ‘em to call me Gagarin  
I’m not just his baby, I’m a grown-ass lady  
I got the brains and the looks like the mama who made me  
I’m a self-starter, I be making a killing  
Welcome to teatime, you bet I be spilling

(Singing)  
Snow White and the seven stepmoms  
Setting off my father’s secrets and truth bombs  
Half a dozen lovers, half a dozen mothers  
You know all of his loving ain’t worth a dime  
So let’s spill the tea and hit it one more time


	18. Sister Queens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A great big finale to wrap things up.

TAMARA MOSKVINA (spoken):  
Darling, you haven’t lost your mother six times. All of your mothers are right here.

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
I don’t get it.

ELENA ILINYKH and KSENIA STOLBOVA (harmonizing):  
You didn’t lose us.  
You didn’t lose us.

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE:  
You’re part of our family as long as you choose us.

CAROLINE DOUARIN and MIKI ANDO (harmonizing):  
You’ll never lose us.  
You’ll never lose us.

TATIANA NAVKA:  
As long as you wish, you belong to us

VASILISA DAVANKOVA (spoken):  
Okay, can I just call you my sister? Because it’s freaking weird to be your mom.

TAMARA MOSKVINA (spoken):  
Fair enough.

ELENA ILINYKH and VASILISA DAVANKOVA (harmonizing):  
We’re your sisters.

MIKI ANDO and KSENIA STOLBOVA (harmonizing):  
We’ll care for you.

CAROLINE DOUARIN:  
We love you, darling

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE:  
And we hope you love us too!

ANNABELLE MOROZOV:  
I am your sister!  
I belong to you!

TATIANA NAVKA:  
We are sisters  
We will stand against the storm

CAROLINE DOUARIN:  
And we stand together  
That’s what sisters are for

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE:  
In a world of scheming men,  
can’t let the fox get through the hens  
So it’s best to be close with your coop

MIKI ANDO:  
If one woman’s a warhorse  
seven are an armed force  
They can’t stop us if we come as a group

ELENA ILINYKH:  
Welcome to our little sorority  
where getting the best of men is our first priority!

VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
And we’re all superstars  
Get up here and show ‘em who you are!

KSENIA STOLBOVA:  
There’s so much left in store  
So come on, girl, what are you waiting for?

ANNABELLE MOROZOV:  
I always wanted a sister  
And now I’ve got a brood  
It’s a bit overwhelming  
But I will follow you!

MIKI ANDO (spoken):  
Annabelle. You do have a sister by blood – a half-sister.

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
What?

MIKI ANDO (spoken):  
My daughter. Sunflower.

(Annabelle gasps)

MIKI ANDO (spoken):  
Nikolai never told you?

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (spoken):  
Never!

MIKI ANDO (spoken):  
I’ll take you to meet her sometime. I’m sure you two will get along just fine.

TATIANA NAVKA:  
Seven queens in our own right  
Bound by our questionable taste in men  
But with each other’s sisterhood,  
we won’t make that mistake again!

CAROLINE DOUARIN and SHAE-LYNN BOURNE:  
Seven brides for one lucky brother  
who never deserved us at all

CAROLINE DOUARIN:  
But now we’ve got each other’s friendship

SHAE-LYNN BOURNE:  
And I’ll be there whenever you call

MIKI ANDO and KSENIA STOLBOVA:  
Men are overrated  
Sisterhood lives on  
When all the rice clouds have faded,  
our comradery ain’t gone

ELENA ILINYKH and VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
We are survivors  
And no man can make that change  
My mama raised a fighter  
And a fighter I will stay!

TATIANA NAVKA, CAROLINE DOUARIN, and SHAE-LYNN BOURNE (harmonizing)  
Fighters we will stay!

TAMARA MOSKVINA:  
Forget all the rules about how girls can’t be friends  
Clearly those fools never met this bunch  
Linking their hands, forming a circle with no end

We are all one  
Whether old or young  
Although “old” is a relative term

We’re all diamonds  
Sparkling, precious, and shining  
Patient – we’ll all get our turn!

ANNABELLE MOROZOV (rapping):  
Don’t need no nations when we’ve got a seven-woman army  
Bye-bye Clyde, cause it’s a whole gang of Bonnies  
The dudes are lining up but we pay no attention  
‘Cause most of the fellows don’t deserve a mention  
Ain’t stepping aside for no guy who won’t see  
That every girl in this world is born as a queen  
Hey hey!

TATIANA NAVKA, CAROLINE DOUARIN, and SHAE-LYNN BOURNE:  
We’re queens!

MIKI ANDO, ELENA ILINYKH, and VASILISA DAVANKOVA:  
Queens!

TAMARA MOSKVINA, KSENIA STOLBOVA, and ANNABELLE MOROZOV:  
Queens!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to everyone who has given kudos on this work! It was a new, fun project for me and I hope you all enjoyed it. Also, special thanks to my friend Meaghan for introducing me to the fabulous musical Six, which inspired this crazy piece. I'm planning to finish up many of the incomplete fics I've posted soon, so don't forget to subscribe so you can get notifications when I update them!


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